kids, welcome to the Phile. Where should I start today? I
know... California's legislature approved a bill allowing driver's
licenses for illegals. I've got a better idea. Instead of giving them
new licenses let's take away the licenses from people like Dina Lohan
and Lamar Odom. Give them those licenses. Dairy farmers now warn
that there could be a jump in the price of milk by the end of the year.
Milk could be as much as $6 a gallon. Today, Senator John McCain
outlined a new plan to invade Wisconsin. Are you guys watching
"Dancing With the Stars"? I am not, and I never did, and I especially
will not watch it this season. I'll tell you why in a minute. Anyway,
the show returned for a 17th season. Paula Deen was rumored to be one of
the stars they tried to get to dance. Over the weekend, Paula made her
first public appearance since she went into hiding. I knew eventually
she would have to come out for butter.
Paula Deen held a cooking demonstration. Some fans paid $400 a ticket.
Who pays $400 to watch a woman cook?
Paula told the crowd that the racism controversy taught her a lot about
herself and her business. She promised that from now on the only N-word
she will use is "nutmeg." Russia apparently has asked Cher to
perform at next year's Winter Olympics. Because if there's one thing
that'll keep gay people out of your country, it's holding a free Cher
concert.
Actually, Cher says she turned down Russia's invitation to perform
because of the government's anti-gay laws. Russia said it’s no big deal.
They'll just move on to their second choice: Liza Minnelli. A
Pasadena entrepreneur, who hired several dozen homeless people to wait
in line in front of an Apple store and buy iPhones for him, had to be
escorted away under police protection after his "business plan" came to
light by store management and his "employees" became enraged upon
realizing they would not be sold phones, and would therefore not be
paid, and "unionized" to take their "compensation" out of his ass. And
that's nothing compared to what the psychopaths waiting in line would
have done to him if the store ended up running out of iPhones before
they could buy one. Children growing up in West Virginia and the
Appalachian mountains are getting a head start on the gnarled rotted-out
teeth that many of the methamphetamine-using adults around them
display. A quarter of preschoolers in the area already show some tooth
decay and 15% have a least one lost tooth by the age of 24. Some experts
think it might be partly related to the Mountain Dew soda that's poured
town their throats beginning shortly after birth. If you really want
someone who represents America accurately, Miss America should be an
overweight internet troll who drinks Mountain Dew. Your manager,
the one who reads emails while talking to you and has never made eye
contact in the three years you've been working together, is going to
have to find a new brand of phone to clip to his belt, as his beloved
BlackBerry seems to be on its way out. The company is laying off 4,500
employees after losing nearly $1 billion last quarter. BlackBerry should
have just stuck to making pies. Okay, I mentioned I will not watch
"Dancing With the Stars"... especially this season. One of my least
favorite people is on the show this season and I hope he breaks his
neck. I am talking about Bill Nye. I have a few stories about Nye that I
am sure I will tell you sometime. I do not like him, and think he's one
of the biggest assholes out there. I never watched his old TV show, but
if I did I would of thought he was an ass back then. Check out this
screen shot from his old TV show...
See what I mean. What kinda scientist is he? I'll tell you... not a real one. My son plays "Halo" all day and was excited about the new "Halo" video game, but I am not sure it'll be that fun to play, but you am I to say?
Oh, it's called "Hola", not "Halo". No wonder. Speaking of video games, "Grand Theft Auto 5" came out this week, and the graphics look so real, but I cannot figure out what the point of the game is. Check it out...
I have no idea what the point is of that. She's loopy. For a few weeks now I have been showing you some sport teams with weird names. Well, I came to my last one. I gave up looking. Anyway, here we go. Can you imagine how the Teutopolis Wooden Shoes got their very unique name? Way back in 1932, when John Harold Griffin was hired as the coach of the new athletic department, he looked for a "unique" name for the basketball team. At the time, there was an old Teutopolis pioneer, George Deyman (pronounced diamond) who carved wooden shoes for a living. To recognize Mr. Deyman and the German heritage of Teutopolis, Mr. Griffin chose the name "Wooden Shoes" for the team. I guess they are not very good at soccer.
Go Shoes! That sounds ridiculous. Okay, do you know what time it is? He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. Please welcome back to the Phile, our good friend Laird Jim in a pheature called...
Good morning, humans. Ex wife: "I need a favor." Me: ".........annnnnnnnnd?" Ex: "You gonna help me, or not ?" Me: "You didn't say the magic word." Ex: "...............please." Me: "That wasn't so hard, was it ? Now, what can I do for you ?" Ex: "I want you to help me get a gun and teach me how to shoot it." Me: "This isn't going to end well, is it ?" After hearing the reason why, I agreed to do as she asked. When all is said and done, I loved this woman for 30 years (26 of those married). If her safety is at stake and I can help, what kind of man would I be to say no? Besides... she's a shitty shot and if she wanted to kill me, she'd miss.
If you see the Mindphuck email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com. Well, as you know they are filming a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. I'm a fan of the Guardians, but a bigger fan of Rocket Raccoon. And once again I am thrilled Rocket is back on the Phile today to say something about the new movie that is on his mind. He is a master military tactician and leader. He has an acute sense of smell, sight, hearing and touch. He's an accomplished starship pilot, and an excellent marksman with the two laser pistols and other various weapons he carries... and he's here. Please welcome back to the Phile...
I have to say it. I have to. I am getting sick of seeing the original concept art for Guardians of the Galaxy. I don't even look like me. I'm a Raccoon, and that first image was cool and all, but come on, we've seen some new images, so let's just use them. Thanks for hearing me bitch.
See what I mean. What kinda scientist is he? I'll tell you... not a real one. My son plays "Halo" all day and was excited about the new "Halo" video game, but I am not sure it'll be that fun to play, but you am I to say?
Oh, it's called "Hola", not "Halo". No wonder. Speaking of video games, "Grand Theft Auto 5" came out this week, and the graphics look so real, but I cannot figure out what the point of the game is. Check it out...
I have no idea what the point is of that. She's loopy. For a few weeks now I have been showing you some sport teams with weird names. Well, I came to my last one. I gave up looking. Anyway, here we go. Can you imagine how the Teutopolis Wooden Shoes got their very unique name? Way back in 1932, when John Harold Griffin was hired as the coach of the new athletic department, he looked for a "unique" name for the basketball team. At the time, there was an old Teutopolis pioneer, George Deyman (pronounced diamond) who carved wooden shoes for a living. To recognize Mr. Deyman and the German heritage of Teutopolis, Mr. Griffin chose the name "Wooden Shoes" for the team. I guess they are not very good at soccer.
Go Shoes! That sounds ridiculous. Okay, do you know what time it is? He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. Please welcome back to the Phile, our good friend Laird Jim in a pheature called...
Good morning, humans. Ex wife: "I need a favor." Me: ".........annnnnnnnnd?" Ex: "You gonna help me, or not ?" Me: "You didn't say the magic word." Ex: "...............please." Me: "That wasn't so hard, was it ? Now, what can I do for you ?" Ex: "I want you to help me get a gun and teach me how to shoot it." Me: "This isn't going to end well, is it ?" After hearing the reason why, I agreed to do as she asked. When all is said and done, I loved this woman for 30 years (26 of those married). If her safety is at stake and I can help, what kind of man would I be to say no? Besides... she's a shitty shot and if she wanted to kill me, she'd miss.
If you see the Mindphuck email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com. Well, as you know they are filming a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. I'm a fan of the Guardians, but a bigger fan of Rocket Raccoon. And once again I am thrilled Rocket is back on the Phile today to say something about the new movie that is on his mind. He is a master military tactician and leader. He has an acute sense of smell, sight, hearing and touch. He's an accomplished starship pilot, and an excellent marksman with the two laser pistols and other various weapons he carries... and he's here. Please welcome back to the Phile...
I have to say it. I have to. I am getting sick of seeing the original concept art for Guardians of the Galaxy. I don't even look like me. I'm a Raccoon, and that first image was cool and all, but come on, we've seen some new images, so let's just use them. Thanks for hearing me bitch.
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